The Art of Forgiveness
Disclaimer: if your not vibrating on my same frequency, identifying with your wounds, operating out of your unhealed ego and pride then you may be offended by certain things I say because sometimes the truth hurts. Take what resonates and leave what doesn’t.
The Art of Forgiveness is like a breath of fresh air.
The Art of Forgiveness frees one of all bondage.
The Art of Forgiveness will show you once you learn to forgive yourself and those who have wronged you, one is freeing oneself of their past and creates more space for freedom.
Through the art of forgiveness you will learn to give thanks for the lessons and it will make it easier to move forward in life.
The Art of Forgiveness will not be easy but realizing what is on the other side of forgiveness is courage, bravery, peace, closure, a healed heart, to name a few things.
I’ll be the first to let you know, I know exactly how it feels to hold a grudge against someone for years. All because the person has inflicted so much pain onto you. But in all reality holding grudges gets you no where in life. Holding grudges hurts you more than the other person. Your basically giving someone else permission to dictate your emotions and your life. Ask yourself is that the life you want to continue to live? If your answer is “no.” Then, it’s time for you to first acknowledge the pain you keep hiding inside. “We cannot forgive someone for doing something if we have not fully accepted what this person has done.” (Beattie, 1992, p. 216) However, not accepting the pain/trauma one has experienced keeps one living in denial.
Keeping you in bondage. You cannot make room to welcome new things into your life by holding on so tightly to the past.
Remember it doesn’t make any harm done to you okay or acceptable. But in order to be your best, healed, whole, well, balanced, and highest self; one must forgive with the strength of their higher power.
Resentment and bitterness
Resentment and bitterness is caused by unforgiveness. Being filled with unforgiveness poisons and makes the mind, body, and soul uncomfortable. “But when we are filled with bitterness, the aroma we give off is not sweet but bitter.” (Meyer, 1997, p. 100). Which in return, may cause others to not want to be around you due to the fact that bitter aroma has been given off. That’s why it’s always important to receive the help one needs in order to be healed, whole, well, and balanced.
Forgiveness Makes One Vulnerable
Forgiveness provides one with closure, a healed heart, peace.
One’s higher power wants one to be free of all hatred.
Vulnerability can be a scary thing but what’s even scarier is allowing bitterness and resentment to control you.
Constantly running away from forgiveness blocks one’s growth.
Forgiveness does indeed make one vulnerable in order to enjoy peace in our lives.
Whenever we pray to our higher power for those who have harmed or mistreated us, “what we are asking our higher power is to bring truth and revelation to them about their attitude and behavior so they will be willing to repent and be set free from their sins.” (Meyer, 1997, p. 109).
Forgiveness is not for those who have wronged you-it is for you!
If one does not forgive it will keep one in bondage and that is exactly what the enemy wants, to keep one in chains.
Also, forgive yourself for your past choices as well. I know what it feels like to not forgive yourself for your past choices and it led me to feelings of guilt and shame. Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves about our past choices that we forget that we did not know better in the past. But the important thing about healing is once you forgive yourself and move forward in life, you are renewed. Also, once you learn from those previous lessons you will be wiser. However, with wisdom gives you the power to share grace with others who are experiencing similar life circumstances.
“Forgiveness comes in time — in its own time — if we are striving to take care of ourselves. Don’t let other people use this principle against us. Don’t let other people help us feel guilty because they think we should forgive someone, and we are either not ready or believe forgiveness is not the appropriate solution. Take responsibility for forgiveness. We can dole out forgiveness appropriately based on good decisions, high self-esteem, and knowledge of a problem we are working on.”(Beattie, 1992, p. 216)
Once you start your healing journey you realize everyone who has hurt you in your past was only projecting their own hurt onto you. Therefore, the sad truth is ‘hurting people hurt people.’
We also must learn to have self-awareness because we haven’t always been our best selves to others in the past.
Forgiveness and Reconciliation
Forgiveness doesn’t always require reconciliation. One doesn’t have to feel guilty for not wanting to reconcile a relationship after forgiveness. Therefore, learn to assert firm healthy boundaries with discernment so no one from your past can attempt to gaslight or manipulate you into feelings of guilt or shame because you no longer want certain people in your life.
There, may be some discomfort at first when you begin standing up for yourself and setting healthy boundaries but you have the right to cut anyone off regardless of their title to you (ex: family member, friend, etc.) if they are not wishing you well or there’s not any reciprocity.
Forgiveness makes more space and opportunity for one to receive blessings one desires/deserves!
Remember to always forgive yourself in the process.
Without forgiveness there will not be room for change!
A few things that helped with forgiveness of myself and others:
I wrote letters to myself and others whom I needed to forgive in order to move forward in life. And I burned the letters in my fireplace. (If you don’t have a fireplace, you can rip the letters up and throw them in the trash) and not look back. I prayed and mediated a lot. I casted all the hurt and pain I was experiencing on my higher power because it was too much to carry. I also, spoke with close friends I trusted to disclose certain information with.
Beattie, M. (1992). Codependent no more: How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself. Taylor & Francis.
Meyer, J. (1997). Managing your emotions: Instead of your emotions managing you! Harrison House.